Running With Scissors

 Yes, in the beginning we thought we loved Sam’s orphanage.  And we do because they brought us together with Sam.  But we have discovered things over the past year which concern us.  The following are MY views and MY opinions based upon personal experience and first hand conversations with other adoptive parents.  If you had a great experience with your agency or orphanage, that is fantastic.  But please don’t criticize my opinions or views.  They are mine.  Maybe not yours but mine.

I have recently had several friends who either found out, in-country, that their children has serious diseases or developmental delays, or arrived in-country to find very, very ill children. I understand there are no absolutes in international adoption. I understand that children get sick in the U.S. But I don’t understand withholding medical information from parents or withholding medical treatment from children.

One of my friends arrived in-country to find her daughter has Hep B, and her son is moderately-to-severely mentally retarded. His condition is very, very obvious. At 7+ he was almost completely non-verbal, using single words and grunting. Another sibling, who they were not told of until they arrived in-country, is HIV+. Of course, they brought their children home. Of course, they love them like crazy. Of course, they have obtained the finest medical care possible for their children. And of course, their children are now flourishing both physically, emotionally, and mentally. But…why weren’t they told? Why were they told ages which were 2-3 years off for each? Likely because younger children are seen as more desirable in the realm of adoption. The children were older and could speak for themselves and knew exactly how old they were. The children knew something was wrong with their brother and knew he was beaten in the head by a family member prior to going to the orphanage. The children state they told the orphanage director everything. But the orphanage director, and the US agency, said nothing. Why?

I have another friend who traveled recently (our orphanage) only to find her itty-bitty daughter was a lot older than they had been told. This makes her size even more alarming (the age was confirmed by orphanage she resided in prior to the orphanage in Addis.) She was very, very ill when they arrived in Addis. She was so hungry, gobbling down liquids. The baby was practically starving. The nurse at the orphanage kept saying everything was okay. The baby continued to decline. She was listless. The nurse said don’t take the baby to an outside clinic, she is fine. The family took the baby to an outside clinic where she was diagnosed with dehydration and giardia and placed on antibiotics; however, it was too late. On the plane ride home, this little girl almost died. EMTs met them at customs in DC and she was taken by ambulance to an area hospital. She stayed in the hospital several days on IVs. She is now recovering at home. But WHY were they told she was much younger and very healthy when she obviously was not. WHY wasn’t the orphanage treating her giardia? WHY weren’t they addressing her obvious dehydration? Why weren’t they feeding her enough?

The “independent” physician who examined the baby failed to disclose as well.  She swore the baby was the younger age (about 4 months younger than the original orphanage), was using her legs and was completely healthy.  This baby was obviously not.  Of course, the “independent” physician charges for these exams (100 USD per exam: over 1000 Birr. The average Ethiopian makes 30-100 USD/month.)  If you figure she does only 5 exams a week (I spoke with her and her partner while in-country and know she does more like 10/week), then she’s making $25,000 USD/ year: an insane amount of money in Ethiopia.  She also does the US Embassy exams and is paid for those as well.

I know many, many families who have used this physician and those who have been happy are those with  healthy (by US standards) children.  Those with unhealthy children were very disappointed and felt the physician lied along with the orphanage.  Keep in mind, no one orphanage uses this physician…she is a pediatrician in Addis and has adoption consults along with her own regular patient practice. 

Like many families with babies from Sam’s orphanage, we were told Sam ate solid food, including potatoes blended with meat and fish. He wasn’t eating ANY food at all and didn’t even know what to do with food in his mouth. He didn’t eat the formula he was being given at the orphanage (we think it was goat’s milk because it was refrigerated and smelled to high-heaven) But when I gave him our formula he gobbled it down and was taking 60+ oz a day. The kid was HUNGRY. Others encountered this as well.

Although Sam was pulling up to tables/beds and taking 1-2 steps at 10 mos (or maybe 12, depending upon which age is correct) Many babies at 1 year + couldn’t even crawl.  Once home all started cruising and walking almost immediately.  I know, 1-to-1 attention…but babies shouldn’t be kept in a crib every day.  Period.  (Oh, and this wasn’t just Toukoul, but many other orphanages in Addis.)

These aren’t the first stories I’ve been told. I know many families who will either never adopt from the original orphanage again or who will never adopt internationally again.

At first I thought this was just international adoption. The orphanages are short staffed and do all that they can. But hearing horrific stories from some orphanages and fantastic stories from others…I don’t think this is just par for the course. I think some orphanages are better than others. AND, since the adoption agencies know what’s going on then some are more ethical than others.

I have friends with children from all over the world who have had terrible experiences. Children being starved. Children never being held. Unsafe and unclean conditions. Medical conditions being withheld. I think the US demand for babies is partly to blame. Ages are changed to make children appear younger. People are told the babies are healthy to ensure they are adopted.

I can tell you, we’ve lost our faith in international adoption. IF we have a second child, it will be a domestic adoption.